This sausage drone will drop a hot dog on your head
One day, when the human race is long gone, alien archaeologists are going to have a hell of a time piecing together what the hell we were up to in the early 21st century. Imagine an alien production of Time Team excitedly digging up a large metal cylinder. “Well, it looks just like a shrine to the reshaped animal offal in a bun that Earthlings enjoyed so much,” the alien Tony Robinson would say, scratching the most prominent of its nine heads. “But why would it need to fly?”
This is the latest edition to Oscar Mayer Wienerfleet, and humanity’s proudest moment to date: the WienerDrone. It joins esteemed colleagues the Wienermobile, WienerMini, WienerRover and WienerCycle in their noble mission of delivering junk food to consumers that really should know better. Oscar Mayer owner Kraft Foods describes the WienerDrone as “the first unmanned hot-dog-carrying aircraft designed for remote location delivery,” and I for one am not going to waste valuable seconds trying to prove them wrong on that score.
Let me make one thing clear from the start, if it wasn’t immediately obvious: this is not a practical way to deliver a hot dog. The WienerDrone is about the length of two rulers (61cm to be exact), can ascend at a rate of four metres per second, and has a one-mile radius. It has 15 minutes of battery life, which sounds generous until you realise that the WienerDrone can only carry one hot dog at a time.
That’s right: it’s a publicity stunt. Why else would it be making its debut at Weiner, Arkansas? It will be there on 4 July, where it will dish out hot dogs at a far slower rate than the men and women manning the Wienermobile.
If you don’t like the idea of looking up and getting a hot dog in the eye, you could always opt for Alphabet’s burrito drone. Or you could just walk to the shops using your legs. That will really throw the alien archaeologists, and mercifully ensure I never have to write the word “wiener” again.