Someone is suing Microsoft for $600 million (or a new copy of Windows 7 – whichever is easier)

Microsoft is no stranger to speculative lawsuits, but this one might surprise even the most experienced of the Redmond firm’s legal team. Frank K. Dickman Jr. of Albuquerque is suing the company for $600 million in damages. Well, $600 million or a new copy of Windows 7 – whichever is easier.

“I own a ASUS 54L laptop computer which has an OEM license for Windows Version 7,” Dickman’s complaint explains. “The computer was upgraded to Windows Version 10 and became non-functional immediately. The upgrade deleted the cached, or backup, version of Windows 7.

“Thus the original supplier is untrustworthy,” the statement continues – though it’s not clear if Dickman is referring to Microsoft or ASUS here. Presumably the latter as he adds “The only way I can be certain of a quality Windows 7 Operating System is to obtain it from the original vendor – Microsoft Corporation.

“The only sensible remedy is for Microsoft Corporation to supply the OEM version of its operating system by download from its website and confirmed by the key code which came with the computer.”

So far, so reasonable. It’s in the next section that things take a turn for the optimistic: “Failure of Microsoft Corporation and its CEO (Satya Nadella) to provide this function within thirty days of the provided Summons should yield a payment from the two defendants to the plaintiff of a remedy demanded on the Federal Civil cover of $6,000,000,000.00 (six hundred million dollars) within 30 days by an appropriate method.”

Aside from the fact that the number of zeros after the six reads six billion rather than 600 million, this seems unlikely to be giving Microsoft’s lawyers too many sleepless nights. In fact, the company is likely more alarmed by the 44.8% market share Windows 7 is still clinging on to, just two years from the day Microsoft plans to pull the plug on it. And it’s not going to reduce that number by handing out free Windows 7 downloads to anybody who sends a court summons.

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