The week in your words: Polishing the poisoned Apple

In a week that saw our own Darien Graham-Smith try to woo the Apple hordes, the Government blithely push ahead with its snooping plans, and Virgin Airlines staff brand their passengers smelly, we take a look back to see what our readers have made of it all.

What Apple gets right

Our very own middle-class Che Guevara, Darien Graham-Smith, was appalled to discover this week that through sheer animal charisma he’s somehow become flag bearer for the world’s Apple-haters.

In order to dismiss this horrendous image before his iPhone discovered daddy didn’t really love it, Darien put together a checklist of all the things Apple does well. This essentially boiled down to the fact all its products are pretty, interesting and always have a cracking name. Basically, they’re Helena-Bonham Carter. Clearly, not everyone on our forums loves Wings of the Dove, though.

“If I need a PC I’ll do some research before buying one to see which is the most cost effective machine for the requirements I have,” begins george bush. Yes, really.

“This is something I feel most Apple users wouldn’t bother about as all they really care about is appearance, image and style not substance,” he concludes putting away his tar and huge brush.

“You missed out marketing. Apple does this better than anything else,” crooned Rhidian. Honestly, we’re not making these up. “The AppStore – genius! Nokia has had an apps market for years – surely its just a well-hyped version of the same thing? Apple products aren’t streets ahead. When I actually use an Apple I don’t find it’s saved me years of effort.”

“Less choice is less confusing,” adds partnersingrime, who clearly believes this argument extends to words, too.

Government briefs ISPs on snooping plans

That’s right, the Government is pushing ahead with its plans to keep tabs on all our communications. It’s a plan so bad it could be a Scooby Doo plot. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise us one bit to learn Gordon Brown was a hologram being controlled by David Cameron, who was actually Tony Blair in a mask – himself a robot built by Cherie… Okay, it might surprise us a little bit.

“My concern is that I will be monitored regardless of whether or not there is reason for me to be monitored. Before ‘they’ would’ve needed a reason to tap my phone but now I’m presumed guilty,” complains onegin101, while creeping out of a mansion in Liverpool with a bag labelled ‘swag’.

“This will likely be bloody expensive in a time when the Government has sod all money left, how are they paying for it? More taxes? That’d be like asking the good subjects of Britain to stick a big fist in their own… (ahem)”

“The function creep on this is a terrifying prospect,” adds peteg33. “You only have to look at how many organisations can now request access for some very trivial reasons on current datasets.”

nvj1662, meanwhile, was feeling literary: “The Government call this an Interception Modernisation Plan, presumably abbreviated to IMP, some kind of dark mischievous creature of mal-intent, I believe. If this was 1 April I might even smile… but it isn’t.”

Airline staff fired over Facebook gaffe

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