The Microsoft Windows 7 party pack in pictures

Tim Danton October 9, 2009

The sacrifices we make. You see, PC Pro went undercover and applied for one of the Microsoft Windows 7 party packs, as advertised in the unmissable video below.

We’re still undecided whether this is a parody or a serious ad; we’d love to believe the latter, but we’re starting to wonder if Microsoft has a sense of humour. Worrying.

Our undercover plan worked, however, and I can now reveal exactly what you get in the box…

Just for the sake of titillation, here’s the box a tiny bit open…

Excited yet? (For the record, those are not my hands.)

I know, too cruel.

That’s more like it. The first thing to greet your eyes is a “Congratulations!” sheet explaining what you can do at your party (if you so desire, take a look at the Microsoft Windows 7 UK House Party website for even more ideas on how to have fun).

As you can see from the description, you also get a poster. Which is, um, interesting. Imagine a dozen Windows wallpapers spread randomly around an A1 poster and you’ll get the idea.

Far more excitingly, you also get a pack of playing cards with a special Windows 7 decorated back. Sadly, the card fronts are standard: we were hoping for Bill Gates as the king of hearts and Steve Ballmer as the joker.

Certain members of the PC Pro office were very excited to see a jigsaw, and even as I type this they’re putting it together (it is Friday afternoon).

Then there’s the ten bags. So, when you bid your guests farewell, you’ve got something to put all those fabulous giveaways in. For example, a Windows 7 serviette, ten of which are also in the box.

It does mean that, if you have more than ten people come to your party that someone will be crushingly disappointed. Bear that in mind or friendships may be in jeopardy.

But of far more fiscal interest is the Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition: signed, for you, personally (except not really), by Steve Ballmer. I say fiscal interest, because right now on eBay some kind person is offering you the chance to buy their copy of Signature Edition for £159.99.

We’re only disappointed about all those things that weren’t in the pack. Come on Microsoft, where are the balloons? Where’s the jelly mould in the shape of Clippy? Windows 7 skewers for our tasty cheese and pineapple snacks? Goddamit, we demand streamers and banners!

Instead, the only thing you get for decoration (aside from that lovely poster) is this:

Which appears to be a point-of-sale piece of advertising. Which, obviously, you find at all the best parties.

But as you can see from the below, we somehow managed to overcome our disappointment. We’re only sorry we couldn’t exactly fit the exact ethnic and age requirements of Microsoft’s original video.